jinx

i said i was happy so now i am not.
well, right now i am happy because i got a new backpack and some other school supplies. and a wallet. but that is a materialistic happiness.

i want a baby girl that i can give tutus and take video of dancing like a primaballerina and make snacks for and bring to petting zoos but not ones of the farm animal variety. and a cat and a small dog and a snake. and a big turtle. in a little house with a porch with a fence and a field near a forest with all sorts of musical instruments and a library and a huge bed near a wall with huge windows looking out towards said forest and lots, LOTS of glow-in-the-dark stars.

restoration

On myspace I am friends with this guy, his name is Brandt. He is hyper religious. Usually this annoys me, but he is taking his religion and helping people. How can you be annoyed by a guy whose goal in life is to feed the poor?
Makes me feel useless. I can't do anything from where I am. I can't even clean my room. I can't wait to get to British Columbia. When I get there, I've decided, I am going to do something. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm going to do it. Start something new that will affect people in some way.
Just two more years of this. I really don't know if I can handle it... I mean life is really good and all, but that's the thing, I feel selfish. For being in such a great place with my life.

last link

to me

Most keep a weblog because they feel like the whole world cares about their mundane lives. I keep one as something to pass the time, an excuse to type and type and type

France

It's the place to be

o lawds

I do love Angel when he is naughty. But Spike is my favourite.

I wish they would stop treating him so rudely. I mean I know he would just turn around and bite them but they could at least attempt to make a sort of truce you know?

Can't watch without thinking about things naughtier than naughty Angel.

Christmas List

• Avocado Tree
• Wings
• Glow in the dark stars
• Magic faerie dust
• Film (fujifilm instax, 35mm colour/black and white, polaroid?, Holga)
• 35mm camera
• Atlas
• Rat or snake
• Charm bracelet
• Pretty beads
• Knitting needles
• Francesca Lia Block books
• Books on Surrealism

weird

I just realised an image I've been using for awhile is by someone I actually know.
I got a pretty ring. And some VHS tapes and some books.
Still feel weird.

Oh, move OVER

forever21 forever21 forever21

name

for her
Aleda Lotta?

feelweird

I haven't the slightest idea what to do with myself.
I really do wish I could disappear,


I wish Hogwarts was a real place. Boarding school sounds really good right about now. Also being surrounded by strangers.
I don't know why but at times that is the most comforting place to me

the white blackbird

This man is so beautiful

and this is a funny still

How is it

I have this entire movie memorized and I didn't even know it?

hello, hello

jell-o
hell-o

Custer was a crazy bitch.
Poor Native Americans.


My hair is curly and I can't find my copy of Sorcerer's Stone.

soulbait, jailmate

the scariest part of scientific death is how lonely it would be to not even have yourself to talk to.

dial up

my number
dial it up
dial up my digits
digital digits

tired, so tired

Tired of people, tired of it all. Deactivated facebook. Don't want to deal with them anymore. And I refuse to update 365, because I am tired of sharing myself and getting shut down again and again. I will continue it in my notebook. If you would like to share trade discuss just email me, link in profile.

I will still post to this one occasionally.

Lay me down, and let the maggots feast.

So I have decided that tomorrow I will do nothing, NOTHING, until I am finished with transferring paper poems to digital poems. I would say today but I just woke up and it's noon and Jessamyne will probably be waking soon.

ça ressemblait à une rose!

French grammar and I do not mix very well.

I have been meaning to update 365 with the poems I had kept in a notebook, but I haven't the motivation. It takes so long to type it all out, and to chose pictures, and to find quotes... But I know the longer I wait the longer it will take.
So maybe soon.
I do adore the movie/book Holes, I had forgotten. I also watched an amazingly nineties movie today about a small community of lesbians. It was quite humorous. Better Than Chocolate was the title.

tiny dancer

I don't suppose I'm very good with intimacy.
I can't kiss for too long and I always look away.

My mind wants to go take pictures but my body says no. I haven't eaten yet today. My torso feels like it's bruised. Complain complain complain. There is a bag of nori sitting next to me. I am very excited to eat it up. Me me me. I I I. Sing me a song but don't make it too long cos I can't stand the thought of you leaving. Running away I can't really say but my mind it just stuck on deceiving. You wish I would stop but we can't fight the clock and it's over, it's over. And you're leaving.
My room is made of books. They cover every surface. My dresser has a drawer filled with them. I can't stop my need to buy books. It takes over me every time I see the binding, the excerpt, the author's photograph, the acknowledgments... Chapter one, I'm in love.

we young, we fly

AND WE GONNA STAY FLASHY TIL THE DAY WE DIE.

Recently I downloaded a few artists from "the passion of indie music"; possibly one of the dumbest blog names you can have, but they have good music.
I downloaded Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, which reminds me of a mix of Sheena and Gravy Train!!!!. I had already listened to them, I knew I wanted them.
But there's this fun little game I used to play in the streetlight dollar CD section that I can now do right here, on my handy dandy computer.
I chose a few random bands, and downloaded them. Speech Debelle is the one that sticks out to me the most; I suppose you could call her rap, that's what she is, but she has a slightly different sound from most of the rap I listen to.
I have very mixed feelings about her. Her daddy issues get tiring; as well as her singing about not having enough money for food, etc. That part sent me back to the times of when Good Charlotte basically owned half my generation. Not necessarily a time I want to remember.
But her wordsmithing is beautiful.